


The Biggest Lie

by Joan_of_Arc



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 17:45:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joan_of_Arc/pseuds/Joan_of_Arc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before going to the Wall, Jon learns the true identity of his parents (Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen). How does this affect the Stark family? How do Jon, Cat and Ned react to this revelation? Some truths are maybe better left unsaid.<br/>June 2016: alternate ending!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Liar, Coward. (Ned)

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a supporter of the theory of Rhaegar and Lyanna as Jon's parents. It's not a matter of whether there's evidence on the books or not (there is but not much), it's just that I don't like it. I don't want for Jon to be the son of Lyanna and Rhaegar. I would much prefer for him to be the product of a fling Ned had during the war. And since the book doesn't really say much about this, everybody can reach their own conclusions … I don't want to create a debate on this. There was another story of mine which broached this subject and a very interesting debate came up among the readers. That is not my intention this time. And for this story, it suited my purposes to follow R+L=J … So, here we go …
> 
> This story takes place in Winterfell right before King Robert came to visit. I may have tweaked the order of the events in Winterfell a bit (Benjen's visit to Winterfell, Robert's letter, news of Jon Arryn's death, the deserter from the Wall).

“So, have you started packing already?” Ned asked his bastard son Jon upon entering his bedroom.

“Father, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in” he smiled. “I’m not leaving just yet, so no packing for now. But I’m actually very excited. Uncle Benjen has been telling me about The Wall and Castle Black and all his missions when he goes out ranging.”

“You certainly sound excited enough” Ned smiled back. “Now, are you fully aware of what becoming a Man of the Night Watch entails? The responsibilities? The obligations? What you will be giving up?”

“Yes, Uncle Benjen has already told me. I will never marry and I will never have children. I will have no family.”

“And, you are ok with that” prompted Ned.

“Yes, father. I am really looking forward to saying my vows and going beyond the Wall with Uncle Benjen.”

“Well, you won’t be ranging any time soon. You’ll have to train hard before you even say the vows. And even then you’ll have to see what they name you. You could be a ranger. But you could also be a steward, or builder, or even a cook!” Ned told him.

“I want to be a ranger”

 

Ned took a look around his son’s room. It was a comfortable room but scarcely furnished and with few personal belongings. As much as Ned had wanted for Jon to feel at home in Winterfell he never truly did. Being called “bastard” at every turn and being shunned by Ned’s wife had certainly taken a toll on the boy. Fortunately, his children did not share Catelyn’s disdain for Jon and enjoyed spending time with _their brother_. They had been visibly upset at Jon’s decision to leave Winterfell and join the Night Watch. But then, of course, the children did not fully comprehend what the implications of being a bastard were. They did not see the full impact this whole affair had had on Jon and Catelyn, and even on himself. _Jon is a good lad, and Catelyn is a lovely woman. How could I botch things up so badly? How couldn’t I make this work?_

 

“You’ll make a great ranger” he finally said. “But you know that you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“I know father. But I think this is what’s best for me. The men of the Night Watch have no family, no fathers, no mothers, no brothers and sisters. This is me father.”

“You have a family, Jon”

“I’m a bastard, as everyone keeps reminding me.”

“You do have a family Jon” Ned insisted.

“I don’t have a mother.”

“You did, once.”

“You promised me you’d tell me who my mother was one day. I think this day has arrived, father. I’ll be leaving soon.”

“Aye, I did promise” sighed Ned. He remained silent for a few seconds pondering what to say. “But not today.”

“Father!”

“Tomorrow, son. I promise”

“Tomorrow” replied Jon.

 

Unable to face Jon any longer, with heavy legs he trudged out of the room. He went to the Godswood and kneeled before his Heart Tree. The faces carved in the bark mocked him, taunted him. _Liar, coward._ But I did the right thing, he wanted to yell at them. _Liar, coward._

 

It was past midnight by the time he made it back to his room. Catelyn was already sleeping, so he took off his clothes and lay down next to her. Listening to her soft snores and running his fingers through her hair always brought him peace. _How can I fix this? How can I make both Jon and Cat happy? Can I make Jon see that he does have a family? Should I? What if the burden proves too heavy? What do I tell Cat? It’s been so long … Fifteen years._

 

TBC


	2. Revelations (Ned)

“Good morning son” Ned greeted Jon the following morning. After a never ending night of fitful and restless sleep he had finally got up before the crack of dawn. Not wanting to wake his wife with his tossing and turning he decided to get up and had roamed the castle for a good hour or so before making his way to the kitchens to get some breakfast. He had broken his fast alone in his solar, with only his own thoughts and misgivings to keep him company. _How do I tell Jon a secret I have held for so many years? He deserves to know. He deserved to know years ago. So did Catelyn._ It was time to face the music.

“Morning father” a cheerful Jon greeted him back.

“Have you had breakfast?”

“Yes, with Robb and Bran. We’re taking Bran for a ride in the forest today. We’re just waiting for Theon”

“Where is he?”

“Mh …. Robb says he saw him leaving Winterfell last night. He probably went to … mhh .. with …mh”

“Don’t worry, son” Ned said trying to save Jon from an obviously uncomfortable situation. He clearly knew where Theon was and did not want to give him away. Theon Greyjoy’s habit of visiting the town’s brothel was well know to everybody. “Maybe there are some things I don’t want to know” he smiled. _There are some secrets too heavy to share._

“Father, about our conversation yesterday”

“Yes, I know. I promised. Let’s take a walk, shall we?” Ned said and motioned for Jon to walk with him.

 

“I have always told you that you were my blood. You’re not a bastard, Jon. You are a Stark. You belong in Winterfell. Everything here is yours” he said as he pointed at the Walls, the towers, the gardens, the keep, the castle. “You have a right to all this, just like Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon.”

 

Jon was in a state of confusion as his father led him through the gardens.

“I don’t understand father.”

“Just wait” Ned sighed and they continued walking in silence.

 

“We’re here” said Ned as he came to a stop before an ancient building Jon knew very well. 

“What? The crypts?” asked a puzzled Jon. “Why do you want to go in there? Are you afraid somebody will listen in on us? Are we hiding?”

“No, Jon. I will show you to your mother.”

 

In silence they made their way into the crypts. Ned lit a torch and started taking him down the corridors and aisles of the crypts, pausing after each statue and telling Jon about his forefathers: brave and courageous Starks who had lived hundreds of years ago; Lords, Ladies, soldiers, rulers, and even Kings of old.

 

“This is my father, Lord Rickard Stark. He was murdered by the Mad King Aerys, along with my brother, Brandon.”

“I know, you’ve told me this story before. Your sister Lyanna had disappeared with Rhaegar Targaryen and your father and brother went south to rescue her. Unfortunately none of them came back alive.”

“Someone did.” Ned paused in front of a statue and started caressing the face. It was a woman. Not yet a woman, but more like a young girl. Even in stone she was beautiful and full of life.

“What do you mean, father? Who came back?”

Ned pointed at the statue.

“That’s Lyanna, your sister, isn’t she? My aunt?” Jon prompted.

“No, Jon, your mother.”

 

The crypts were a silent place by definition, but never had the silence here been so deafening.

 

“I don’t understand father” Jon finally said.

“My sister was not abducted by Rhaegar Targaryen. They ran away together. They were madly in love and they married. Rhaegar was already married to Elia Martell. Rhaegar and Elia had two children, a girl and a boy, Rhaenys and Aegon. Yet, according to Targaryen customs, Rhaegar was allowed to have a second wife. He married my sister and she became pregnant.

 

“Rhaegar was killed at the battle of the Trident by Robert Baratheon. When the Lannisters sacked King’s Landing in the aftermath of the Battle, they made sure to remove all traces of any Targaryen heir to the Throne. They killed Elia and her two children. The term _kill_ is too kind. What The Mountain did to poor Elia and those children, I still shudder at the memory. Robert was my friend, still is, but I will never forget the expression on his face as we were presented with the bodies of those poor children. _Dragonspawn_ , he called them, and was gleeful at the sight of their torn bodies.

 

“Well, that’s the history of our Kingdom, as everyone knows it. Yet, what not many people know is that Rhaenys and Aegon were not the only children born of Rhaegar Targaryen. As I said, he had married my sister. Lyanna was hiding in the Tower of Joy in Dorne. It was a dangerous time, Jon, and a dangerous land. By the time I reached her, it was too late. I have told you countless times that she died in that tower, that a fever took her. But I never told you why she had that fever. She had just given birth to a son. When I reached her she was dying. She died in my arms but not before asking me to take care of her son. _Promise me Ned_ , she begged.

 

“And I did. I took care of her son the best way I could. I had to hide his identity. No one could find out he was Rhaegar’s son, _dragonspawn_. So I passed him off as my bastard and brought him to Winterfell with me. Nobody had any reason to suspect that it was not true. I had married Catelyn in a hurry a year before and rode off to war right away. We didn’t really know each other and didn’t love each other back then. It made sense that in the carnage of war a young knight would find comfort in the arms of a woman. Nobody would question it. Nobody questioned the fact that I had decided to bring my bastard son home with me, either. Only it wasn’t my bastard. It was my nephew, the son of my sister and her husband, Prince Rhaegar Targaryen.”

 

Still in shock after the revelation, Jon just stood there in front of Lyanna’s statue and stared intently at her. Of its own volition, his hand went to her face.

 

“So you’re not my father” he finally uttered, his eyes still fixed on the statue. “And she is … so I am …”

“Yes, Jon. She is your mother. I am your uncle. But as I said. We’re family. And this is your place. Winterfell is your place.”

“Actually, _uncle_ , King’s Landing should be my place” Jon said icily as he turned his eyes to Ned. “The Iron Throne is where I should be sitting, not that chair in the kitchens where I sit alone to have my supper. If I understand your story correctly, you turned me from an heir to the Throne into a Bastard with no rights.”

“No, no, Jon .. I ... I” stuttered guilt-ridden Ned.

“I know what you did” said Jon finding his courage. “And I know why you did it. You saved my life and fulfilled a promise to your dying sister. Very honorable. But you never gave me a choice. I don’t wish to be King, but what if I had wanted to? It was my right. And it was my right to know. But you took it away. You had me and everyone else believe I was a bastard. You ruined my life! Because of you and your lies I have no past and I have no future! How could you? I hate you! You’re not my father! And I wish you weren’t my uncle!” he raged and stormed out into the darkness of the crypts. “And don’t bother following me, I know my way out!”

 

 _Gods, what have I done?_ Ned was left alone with his grief and his guilt. He sat down and looked at his sister. _Oh, Lyanna, what have I done? How do I fix this? He deserved to know the truth, didn’t he? Did I wait too long? Should I have kept quiet and just let him be? I hope I have not betrayed your trust by telling your son of his true identity. Please forgive me._

 

TBC


	3. Confrontation (Catelyn)

“There you are my love, I had been looking for you” Catelyn told her husband when she found him by the Godswood. “Maester Luwin told me you were here.” She stood next to him and looked around at the dark and gloom that surrounded her. “All these years and I still feel like an outsider here”

“You’ve had five northern children, you’re not an outsider, Cat”

“I wonder if the Old Gods agree”

“It’s your Gods with all the rules” he smiled at her.

“Whether yours or mine, the Gods have news for us” she said holding a parchment. “I’m sorry, my love”.

“What is it? Show me” he said asking for the letter.

“It’s from Lysa, my sister. I’m sorry, Jon Arryn is dead.”

“Dead? How?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t say”

“Your sister? The boy?”

“They still have their health, Gods be Good. But they have fled the capital. They are back at the Eyrie.”

“Sit” he told her. “Sit next to me” and he patted the trunk beside him with an expression on his face Catelyn could not really decipher.

“I’m sorry, love. But I need to get back. Unless you have something on your mind to keep me here” she said playfully tugging at the hem of her cleavage; it wouldn’t be the first time they would, as Ned loved to call it, _show the Gods their love for each other_. But this time he just smiled briefly and shook his head. “Then in that case, I’ll be on my way. I just came to give you the news. Sansa is knitting a blanket with all the sigils in the North and I promised I would help her. I’ll be back later.”

“No, don’t worry, I’ll see you later. Go. Tell Sansa to show me the blanket when she’s done.”

“Are you alright? You seem more solemn than usual?”

“Yes, my love, I’m fine. It’s this Jon Arryn affair. He was like a father to me.”

 

She kissed him softly on the lips and tugged a strand of hair behind his ear. “I’ll see you later then. Don’t be too long. You don’t want to be caught outside after dark. It might get cold tonight” she said and went back into the castle.

 

Before going into Sansa’s room she stopped by Ned’s solar to return Lysa’s letter. She wondered what had made Ned so taciturn today. It had to be more than just Jon Arryn’s death. He had a solemn expression to his face even before she told him about Jon Arryn. Just as she was about to leave, Jon Snow stormed into the solar.

 

“My Lady” he greeted her and purposely walked into the solar and slammed the door closed behind him.

“Jon” she nodded courtly. “I’m on my way out, if you could be so kind as to open the door, please”

“No” he said forcefully.

“No? What do you mean _No_? Please open the door and let me through” she said spitefully.

“No. You and I will talk. And you will listen to me.”

“Excuse me?” she said wondering what had gotten into him. _Why was everybody acting so strange? First Ned, now his bastard son_. “I think you’re forgetting your place, Bastard”

“No, I think you’re forgetting yours” he spat back.

 

Catelyn raised her hand to slap him but he caught her. She looked into his eyes and saw only hatred and rage. She could smell the liquor on his breath and became afraid for a second.

 

“Jon, I will ask you one more time. Please let me go” she said emphasizing each word.

“How dare you? How could you?” he yelled at her.

“What are you talking about? You shouldn’t talk to me like that”

“Or what? What else can you do to me? You have treated me like a bastard my whole life, you’ve shunned me, and tried to keep me away from the only people who truly loved me!”

“Jon, I’m not having this conversation. I’m leaving” she said evenly.

“No, you’re not. You will listen to me. All my life you’ve mistreated me, knowing full well that I didn’t deserve that treatment. If anything, you probably should be kneeling in front of me! Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to make you soil your pretty little knees. I’m not King nor do I want to be.”

“I won’t even bother with a reply to that”

“Why? At a loss for words? Can’t face the truth? Can’t face the fact that I already know? My mother deserved better than having her son treated like a bastard!”

“Then maybe your mother shouldn’t have behaved like a whore!” she replied, and in her rage she did not see the palm rapidly approaching her cheek. The slap took her unawares.

“You do not get to talk about my mother like that. Does your husband know you talk like that about his sister?”

“His sister? What are you talking about?”

“Lyanna, my mother” he said and finally let go of Catelyn.

“Lyanna …” she whispered, her eyes opening wide and her jaw dropping.

“Yes, Lyanna, I know now. Your husband, _my uncle_ , just told me. Your secret’s over” he spat.

“Oh, Gods, Lyanna and Rhaegar … Ned, what have you done?” she said and brought her hands to her face. “You’re not Ned’s son, are you?”

 

Jon took a step back and looked at her. She was pale and looked as if she had just seen a ghost. With her hands still on her face she started to breathe heavily.

 

“You didn’t know, did you?” he asked her, realization finally dawning on him. When she shook her head in shock he continued. “He lied to you, just like he lied to me” and she nodded affirmatively.

 

She leaned against the wall and let herself slide down, her legs unable and unwilling to support her weight. She sat on the floor and Jon sat next to her.

 

“You are Lyanna’s son with Rhaegar Targaryen” she finally said turning her face to him as if trying to find physical traces of her good sister and the prince in the boy in front of her. “Why would he lie to us? Why would Ned keep the truth from us?”

“He, um, he said he was trying to save my life” Jon said having lost all his liquor-induced newly-found courage. “I gather that if anyone found out I was Rhaegar’s son I would be killed.”

“Probably. Ned did mention Robert was intent on ridding Westeros of all things Targaryen.”

 

Catelyn felt sick and her head was spinning. Her whole body itched. She felt the sudden urge to leave the room and get away from Jon. This boy was no longer the living proof of her husband’s infidelity all those years ago, but the living proof of her husband’s ongoing lie for fifteen years. She didn’t know which was worse. On second thought, she did know which hurt the most and was seething with anger at her husband.

 

“Excuse me. I need to go” she said and made for the door. Jon didn’t stop her this time.

 

 TBC


	4. A Man of Honor (Ned)

Ned was sitting in his solar reading the letter that had just arrived over and over again. _Hand of the King. This is a great honor_ , he thought. _But it means leaving Winterfell and my family. It means going to King’s Landing._

 

He was still trying to write a reply when his daughter Sansa walked in.

“Look, father, I finished it. I wanted to show it to you” she said showing him a knitted blanket. It displayed all the sigils of the North.

“The Battle axe of the Cerwins, Bolton’s flayed man, Dustin’s long axes, the moose of the Hornwoods, this one looks hard to make.”

“It was” she smiled timidly “and I don’t think I got the colors right”

“It’s perfect” he continued “Karstark’s sun, Locke’s keys, the Merman of Manderly, is this Mormont’s Bear?”

“Yes, it’s not very good, is it?”

“It’s beautiful, honey. Is it a gift? Who is it for?”

“It’s for Jon, so he can take it to the Wall with him.”

“It’s beautiful, he’ll love it. Your mother told me you were making a blanket, but she didn’t tell me it was for Jon.”

“She didn’t know, and I would have told her, but she never came to help me like she promised.”

“Mmh, she was probably busy with something. I know she loves doing these things with you. And unfortunately this is something I really can’t help you with. I’m great with a sword, but hopeless with a needle”.

“You’re great with many things father, but unfortunately you’re also hopeless with a lot of things, as well” she laughed and her laughter was contagious.

 

_Such a sweet girl, and she has her mother’s looks, her mother’s smile and her mother’s sweet personality. She will make a great wife one day; hopefully, not very soon, though. I want to enjoy her presence for as long as I can. Jon will be going to the Wall and if I accept Robert’s proposal I will have to leave, as well. When will I see my children and my wife again?_

 

“I’m going to show this to Bran before I give it to Jon. He helped me with the sigils. He’s really good at this, he knows them all.”

“Yes, he is” Ned smiled as Sansa turned to leave. _Bran’s very agile and very smart._ _He’ll make a great knight one day_.

 

He was still immersed in his thoughts when the door opened again.

 

“Cat” he greeted his wife as she came into his solar. “I kept waiting for you at the Godswood, to show the Gods our love” he said with a wink.

“What love? Who do you really love, Ned?” she replied sternly.

“Excuse me? What are you talking about, Cat?” he asked not following his wife’s train of thought.

“How could you? You lied to me. For fifteen years you would look me in the eye and swear eternal love, and all this time you were lying through your teeth.”

“I take it Jon talked to you” _Oh, this is bad_ , he thought.

“Yes, we talked. I have to say, it was rather a shock for the both of us to realize that the man we had always held in such high regard would lie to us both. Why Ned?”

“I’m sorry.”

“ _Sorry_ just doesn’t cut it this time. Do you have any idea of the pain you caused me? Knowing you had been unfaithful to me hurt, it hurt a lot. But it was a long time ago and I had tried to put it behind me. Yet, now I find out it was not infidelity but just a plain old lie.”

“Cat, look …”

“No!” she interrupted him. “Now you listen to me. For fifteen years Ned, fifteen years you kept me in the dark. Do you have any idea what you put me through?”

“I’m sorry”

“No, you don’t get to be sorry now. It’s too late. Do you know how much you hurt me? How much you hurt Jon? Do you have any idea what I felt when I first saw you with Jon in your arms? I was a young girl full of dreams, a stranger in a strange land. We married out of duty, yes I know, but I had dreams. And for a moment I thought we shared those dreams. Those few days we had in Riverrun right after we got married, before you rode off with Robert Baratheon, we were happy. We made Robb in those days. And here I was, a young proud mother and wife waiting for her husband. And when you returned you had that baby in your arms. For a minute my world just collapsed. All my hopes and dreams vanished at the sight of that baby.”

“Don’t cry, Cat. Please” he said taking a step towards her.

“Don’t touch me. Not only did you have me believe you had been unfaithful to me, but you were also unrepentant. You refused to talk about the baby and his mother. You had me believe there was another woman you loved more than me. Had I displeased you? Was I not good enough?”

“No, Cat. Never.”

“Well, all those thoughts were going through my head at the time. And the one time I finally had the courage to ask you, you yelled at me like I had never seen you before. I was terrified of you Ned. I really thought that was the end. But I got over it. We both did, and we built a beautiful life together. Only now I find out this beautiful life I thought I had, was built upon a lie. Why didn’t you tell me Jon was Lyanna’s and Rhaegar’s? You would have made my life a lot easier. I would have understood, I would have helped you. I would have helped him.”

“I didn’t know you so well back then.”

“You didn’t trust me” she retorted.

“I didn’t want to risk your life and Robb’s. If word got out that I was harboring a Targaryen baby, there’s no telling what Robert would have done. It could have gotten us killed.”

“Oh, you’re so honorable, Ned. You lied to me to save my life - my knight in shining armor. You didn’t care what I was feeling. Did it ever cross your mind that I might mind being made a fool of? That I might mind having all these people talk behind my back? I was the Lady of Winterfell, yet my husband preferred the bed of another.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Alright, let’s accept you saved my life and the life of my son, and probably Jon’s too, by keeping his true origins a secret. When do you think I would have merited the truth? When was I going to gain your trust? Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I .. I … Cat” he tried to grab her hand but she just pulled away.

“You were never going to tell me, were you? You told Jon but not me. For all your talk of honor, you have shit for honor Ned” she spat venomously.

“Cat, wait”

“What? Where’s your honor? Everybody says you’re the most honorable man in Westeros, and for many years I believed it too. But where’s the honor in lying to your wife for fifteen years? In making her have nightmares about another woman who’s going to take her place? Where’s the honor in letting me treat Jon the way I did? If I had known he was your nephew and not some boy whose mother you loved more than me and who was going to take away what rightfully belonged to my children, I would have welcome him with open arms. He was just an innocent boy and you let me take my frustrations out on him. You never cared for him or for me. You have no honor, Ned.”

 

They just stared at each other for the longest time in painful silence.

 

“Cat, I’m sorry.”

“No. I have nothing left to say.”

 

She turned to leave when she saw Robert’s letter on his desk.

“What’s that? Another secret?”

“Um .. no. I have received a letter from Robert. He wants me to be his Hand. He’s coming to Winterfell to offer me the position of Hand of the King.”

“It’s a great honor. Hand of the King. When were you going to tell me?”

“I was, believe me. But, I don’t want to accept it. I would have to go to the Capital. I hate King’s Landing, it’s just a cesspool of lies and treachery.”

“You’ll fit right in, then. You should accept it” she snapped back at him and turned around.

 

Ned kept looking at the door hoping his wife would return, but he knew she wouldn’t. He knew he had hurt her beyond repair. _Oh Gods, how do I sort this mess? I have hurt the ones I love the most and I have no idea how to repair the damage. I don’t know if it can even be repaired._

 

TBC


	5. Broken Hearts (Ned)

_You turned me from an heir to the Throne into a Bastard with no rights … you never gave me a choice … You ruined my life! … Because of you and your lies I have no past and I have no future! … I hate you! … You’re not my father! … And I wish you weren’t my uncle!_

_Do you have any idea of the pain you caused me? … Do you have any idea what you put me through? ... Do you know how much you hurt me? … How much you hurt Jon? … you never cared for him or for me … It’s too late now … for all your talk of honor, you have shit for honor Ned …_

 

He couldn’t get those words out of his head. Hours had passed and he still hadn’t left his solar; he had probably missed supper with his family. It was already nighttime by the time he stepped out of the room.

 

He had to fix this and sooner rather than later. Jon would be leaving with Benjen in a few weeks and he would most likely be leaving with Robert once he came to Winterfell. He couldn’t leave things like this. His family was a shambles and it was his fault. How could he let it get this far?

 

He had to talk to them, he needed to. He decided to give his wife some space for the time being and made his way to Jon’s room. He found it empty. There was only one place he thought Jon could go to: the Godswood. Sansa and Bran followed the Seven, just like their mother. But Jon, Robb and Arya believed in the Old Gods, the Northern Gods, his Gods. Rickon, he guessed, was too young to even understand what believing in a God entailed. He knew he would most likely find Jon kneeling in front of the Heart Tree.

 

But he wasn’t there. Where could he be? Jon was a taciturn solitary boy. Was that his fault as well? If he had made sure Jon had been treated differently, would he have turned out to be a happier boy, like Robb?  

 

So, he tried the library next. He knew Jon wasn’t much of a reader, but he enjoyed the silence of the library. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there either.

 

When he came across Maester Luwin he inquired him about Jon. Apparently Robb, Theon and Jon had taken Bran for a horseback ride earlier that day. The other three boys had retuned but, according to Robb, Jon had decided to stay out longer.  Ned worried now. Jon was still out there and it was already dark. He trusted Jon; he was an accomplished rider and a very careful young man. He would never do anything dangerous. Yet, what if their conversation earlier that day prompted him to do something rash?

 

He could go out and look for him, but that would just fuel Jon’s suspicions that he didn’t trust him. He decided to let him be for the time being. He would give him the time and space he needed.

 

Ned made his way towards the chamber he shared with Catelyn. How would she react? She wouldn’t force him out of the room, he hoped. But he also clung to the hope she would at least talk to him.

 

He knocked on the door softly and upon receiving no reply he opened it slowly. She was probably already asleep. But the bed was empty. The room was empty. Where was she? He wanted to fix things, but the two people he needed to talk to were evading him.

 

If his first guess with Jon had been the Godswood, the first guess with Catelyn would be her little sept. He had had that sept made for her in the early years of their marriage. She had come to him alone, to a rough and unforgiving land with strange customs. She never complained but he knew she missed her home: her rivers, her gardens, her family, and her Gods. So he had decided to surprise her and had this sept built for her. He made sure to get all the Gods right. He even hired a Southron builder to make sure the statues kept their likeness. She had been so happy then!

 

With bated breath he opened the door to the sept and felt immense relief when he found her there. She was kneeling in front of the Mother. He approached her from behind and gently squeezed her shoulders.

 

“Come to bed, Cat. It’s late” he said softly.

“I’m busy. I’m praying” she relied coldly.

“What are you praying for?”

“What do you care?” she snapped as she got on her feet and faced him. “You don’t believe in the Seven anyway. I’m not sure you even believe in me for that matter.”

“Cat, please. I’m sorry. I want to fix this. Tell me what to do.”

 

He tentatively reached for her hand and this time, fortunately, she didn’t pull away.

 

“What can I do Cat? How do I fix this?”

“I don’t know” she whispered. They stood facing each other holding hands for a few minutes until she broke the silence. “Are you going to accept Robert’s proposal?”

“I don’t want to. I can’t leave you and the children. Maybe we can all go. I don’t know Cat. I would be loath to leave Winterfell, but I don’t see how I can refuse. He’s my friend, but he’s my King.”

“You can go. I’m not holding you back. Just don’t take the children, please. I just couldn’t bear that”

 

He made to hug her but this time she did pull away.

“Come to bed Cat. Let’s go”

“I’m not done. I wish to stay here a little longer. You go.”

 

He looked at her and wiped a tear off her face.

“I’ll wait for you in our bedroom. Don’t be too long”

“Go” she just said.

 

Just like he promised, he waited for her in bed. But she never returned. He had never felt so cold at night. He missed her warmth. He missed her soft snores. He missed her hair. He missed her.

 

It was not quite dawn when he woke up to a still empty bed. He made his way to the sept and his heart almost broke at the sight of his wife sleeping uncomfortably perched on a wooden chair. He wanted to gather her in his arms and take her to bed, but he knew that right now she just wouldn’t appreciate it. So he did the only thing he could for her; he removed his cloak, covered his wife with it, kissed her softly on her temple and walked away with a heavy heart.

 

He went to check on Jon next and to his relief found him asleep in his room. He had returned sometime during the night.

 

The two people he had hurt were right there in the house with him, but he feared they were forever out of his reach.

 

 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!  
> Please let me know what you think so far ...


	6. A Heart-felt Conversation (Jon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everybody who's reading and following the story. Your reviews and your support mean a lot to me.  
> Now we have chapter 6: After a very awkward breakfast scene, we'll see a much needed conversation between Jon and Catelyn.  
> Please tell me what you think. Thanks.

Jon was starving when he woke. He had been riding aimlessly for hours, just roaming the countryside and the woods around Winterfell. By the time he had returned, the castle was dark and quiet. It had felt as if the castle itself were asleep. He was cold, tired, hungry and thirsty. He didn’t bother going to the kitchen as he knew he would find it empty. He went straight to his room and went to bed. When he woke the following morning, he was no longer cold nor tired, but he was indeed very hungry.

 

He made his way to the Great Hall to break his fast and found his family sharing a table. _My family?_ He thought ruefully. _Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon. I love them as brothers, but they are not my brothers. They are my cousins and they don’t even know it. Lord Eddard. Father. No, he’s not my father. He is my uncle and he has lied to me my whole life. And not just a petty white lie. He lied to me about my origins and ruined my life. Lady Catelyn; she has always hated me, but that hatred was also born of a lie. I don’t belong here. I need to leave. I need to get as far away from here as I can. Unfortunately, being a “bastard” the Wall is as far as I can get._

 

He took a seat next to Robb and grabbed a piece of bread and a slice of bacon. Something was not right. Both Lord Eddard and Lady Catelyn were awfully quiet. They weren’t looking at each other; Lady Catelyn was just staring at her half empty plate and Lord Eddard was staring off into the distance. The children, obviously sensing something was off were being more quiet and better behaved than usual. They all ate in silence under the curious glances of the servants, guards and other people also breaking their fast.

 

This sepulchral silence was broken by a sudden racket coming from his right. A plate had been dropped on the floor and now lay shattered into a million pieces as a guilt-stricken Arya just stared fearfully at her parents.

 

“I’m sorry mother, I’m sorry father. I didn’t mean to. I swear” she said quietly.

“Arya, what happened?” asked her father sternly.

“I – I didn’t mean to, I just … father I’m sorry” she stuttered.

“I asked what happened?” her father repeated.

“I was trying to play with Bran. I was trying to take his bread and I dropped the plate. I’m sorry.”

“Just pick up the food and clean the mess. It’s alright, honey” Ned said softly reaching out to her with his hand, a tiny smile forming on his lips.

“Yes, father, but I swear…”

“Arya!” yelled Catelyn who had, until this moment, just been a silent witness to the exchange. “Just clean the mess and leave the table! You too Bran! Now, both of you leave and don’t come back until you’ve learned some manners!”

“Mother?” asked a confused Bran.

 

But she didn’t reply. Not with words, at least, yet her eyes were like frozen icicles. Nobody dared utter a word for a moment; and nobody moved, until Lady Catelyn lowered her gaze and just stared misty-eyed into her untouched half empty plate.

 

“Children, why don’t you go get ready for the day?” a conciliatory Ned finally broke the silence. “Go play outside, go to your lessons. You’re dismissed” he smiled timidly at his children.

 

One by one the children quietly got up and left the table until only Catelyn, Jon and Ned remained. They just stared at each other in silence. Jon watched as Ned was shaking his head in his hands and Catelyn was trying very hard not to break down, her inner turmoil plainly visible on her pale and tired face. Without a word she just got up and left the table. Ned made to grab her hand but she just pulled away and rushed out into the hallway. Jon spared one last look at his father – _no, uncle_ \- and walked out after Catelyn.

 

He caught up with her just outside the hall, pulled her by the arm and spun her around gently.

“We need to talk” he whispered to her ear. She nodded and waited for him to continue. They just stood face to face not knowing what to say. “He lied to us, he lied to us both” said Jon.

“I didn’t deserve that” she whispered back. “And neither did you.”

“All my life you treated me like dirt when in fact I wasn’t dirt at all.”

“What I did to you, I did because of how I felt”

“That’s no excuse” he whispered in a higher voice now.

“You have no right to say that to me. You have no idea!” she yelled back at him in a hushed tone.

 

“Jon? Mother? Is everything alright?” asked Rickon, his head suddenly popping from around the corner.

“Yes, sweetling, just go to play. Everything’s alright” his mother reassured him.

“But you’re angry, and so is Jon” the young boy pressed on.

“Your mother’s right, Rickon” said Jon. “Just go, I’ll be with you shortly and we can play together.”

“Yes, honey, just go. Jon and I just need to talk for a minute.”

“Are you fighting?”

“No” both Jon and Catelyn answered at the same time. Feeling somewhat more reassured, Rickon turned around and sprinted in the direction of his room.

 

“We can’t have this conversation here, let’s go to Ned’s solar” suggested Catelyn. Jon nodded and they both started walking slowly down the hall.

 

As soon as they stepped into Ned’s solar and closed the door, Catelyn collapsed onto a chair.

“I yelled at Arya and Bran for no reason today” she cried. “They didn’t do anything and I just snapped at them.”

“It’s understandable, you were a bit on edge. We both are” said Jon and sat in a chair across the desk facing Catelyn.

 

“I know I didn’t treat you like a nephew all these years” Catelyn started after a long uncomfortable silence.

“No, you treated me like a bastard” he replied evenly.

“I had my reasons.”

“Please enlighten me, Lady Stark. What would prompt you to treat an innocent defenseless boy like dirt?”

“You have to understand, I didn’t see you like an innocent defenseless boy. When Ned and I got married, there was no love between us. We married for an army. We spent a few days together and then he rode off to war while I stayed at Riverrun. I got pregnant with Robb in that time. After the war was over and it was deemed safe to return, I came to Winterfell with Robb who was barely a year old. I was a young wife and mother coming to a land I knew nothing about to live with a man I barely knew. I was afraid. And when we finally met after such a long time apart, I was ready to show Ned his son when he presented me with another baby, whom he had claimed as his bastard.”

“Me” said Jon flatly and Catelyn nodded.

“I understood, men in war may get lonely. He didn’t love me so much back then and I was not mad he had lain with another woman. But he refused to tell me about this woman. The way he would speak about you and the way he kept your mother’s identity a secret made me believe there was another woman he loved more than me, and that he loved you more that my son, Robb. I begged him to tell me about your mother, but he never did. The last time I asked he got so angry at me I thought he might strike me.”

“He would never hit you!”

“I know that now, but back then I was not so sure. Why would he bring a bastard with him when most men would just leave them with their mothers? Why would he not tell me the name of the woman he had lain with? The only possible explanation, in my eyes, was that he considered both you and your mother more important than Robb and I. I kept fearing one day your mother would show up and Ned would shun me and send me away. I kept fearing Ned would declare you his heir and not Robb. I know now that was not the case, but Ned never told me. He never made me feel safe about your place in the house.”

“I never threatened your place in the house, nor Robb’s for that matter, or any of the other children.”

“No, you didn’t. But that’s the way I felt, the way Ned made me feel. And he never did anything to drive those fears away. Put yourself in my place and try to understand for a minute.”

“Put yourself in MY place and try to see what it feels like to be hated for no reason other than being born!”

“Believe me, I have. I tried to love you. I did. I just couldn’t. It was not _you_ I hated, it was not the boy you were, but what you represented. You were a constant reminder that there was another woman Ned loved more than me.”

“Do you think I asked for it? Do you think I asked to be born and brought here to threaten you pretty little life as a Lady?”

“Do you think I did? Neither of us asked for this. If Ned had told me right away you were my nephew, I would have welcome you with open arms. If he had told me you were what remained of Lyanna’s memory, I would have treated you like family. But he didn’t. By being so mysterious about your origins, the only thing he did was fuel my fears and my nightmares. … I wish he had trusted me. I wish things had been different.”

“So do I” Jon replied quietly.

“I wish we had been given the chance to be family. I think we deserved that.”

“Lord Eddard denied us that chance.”

“Yes, he did, but I understand why he did it. He did what he thought was best for everyone. He thought that by hiding who you were he was saving you from Robert, and by not telling me he was absolving me of any treason. I love Ned with all my heart and I wish he hadn’t been forced to make that choice.”

“He still could have told us.”

“Yes, he could have. And he should have. Maybe not at the beginning, but after some time. Ned and I have a great relationship. We love each other dearly, I know that. I think he should have trusted me with the truth once we were past that awkward phase at the beginning of our marriage. I would have treated you differently and you wouldn’t have suffered so much.”

“Can we pretend this never happened?” asked Jon innocently.

“I don’t know. Can you? Can you pretend I never treated you the way I did? Can you pretend I loved you all these years?”

“Can you pretend you never hated me?”

 

They just stared at each other trying to find a suitable answer to those questions, but they both knew the truth.

 

“I’m going with Uncle Benjen to the Wall soon, so we won’t have to answer that question” he smiled ruefully at her.

“Are you really leaving?”

“What, do you want me to stay?” he asked incredulously.

“The King is coming here soon and will most likely take Ned with him. He’s going to be offered the position of Hand of the King, we believe. If Ned goes South, Robb is going to be Lord of Winterfell and he could use your help. The children love you, they need you.”

“Everybody believes I’m a bastard. I have no future here. We’re not going to tell anybody who I am. I don’t want people to pester me about being an heir to the throne. I want to be left alone and lead a quiet life. I think the Wall will suit me fine.”

“Maybe. But you don’t think you can make a future for yourself here at Winterfell?”

“Here I’m just a bastard. Everybody treats me so. I’d like a fresh start.”

“The children will miss you.”

“Will _you_ miss me?”

 

Instead of answering, she just started laughing. Jon looked at her with confusion. _Had she gone mad?_

 

“This is the longest and the most honest conversation we’ve ever had, and it’s about us hating each other!” she laughed mirthlessly.

“Actually, it’s about the reasons we hated each other and how we wished it hadn’t been so” replied Jon, a smile grazing his lips, as well.

“Yes … You take care at the Wall. And if you feel you don’t want to go or if you ever want to come back, remember, this is your home.”

“Thank you. Will you be going to King’s Landing with your husband?”

“Probably not. Most likely Ned will go alone and the children and I will stay here. Maybe the girls can go with him, or Bran. Rickon is too young. But Robb will have to stay. _There must always be a Stark in Winterfell_. Robb will become Lord of Winterfell in Ned’s absence and I will stay to help him. But I think we may be getting ahead of ourselves. We still don’t know for certain what the King is going to propose.”

“Maybe the King changes his mind and you can all stay here.”

“Hopefully. If that were the case, would you stay?” she asked

“I don’t know.”

 

They both fell silent, but it was not a cumbersome silence like before. They had reached a sort of understanding. They couldn’t change the past. They couldn’t forget what had happened all these years. _Too much water under the bridge_. But now that bridge had collapsed under the weight of the truth and they would have to build it again.

 

“I had better go” said Catelyn. “I want to go apologize to Bran and Arya. I feel horrible about the way I yelled at them.”

“Yes, I know how they feel”

“I’m sorry Jon. I really am”

“I know, and so am I.”

 

Catelyn squeezed his hand from across the desk and got up. Jon smiled at her and she returned the smile. It was the warmest and most honest smile he had ever received since he could remember, and it came from the woman who had despised him his whole life. _She had never smiled at me before._

 

 TBC


	7. Warm Again (Catelyn)

After apologizing to both Bran and Arya for yelling at them and reassuring them nothing was wrong, Catelyn spent the rest of her day just going about her business. The King and his family were coming in a few days and there were many things they needed to prepare. They needed to make sure there was enough food and drink for the feast, or, most likely, _feasts_ in plural: the King was indeed known for his love of partying.

 

She had lunch with the children, but Ned had been busy talking to his sergeants and men at arms. A deserter of the Night Watch had been found and he was going to be executed tomorrow. Ned had mentioned that he wanted to include Bran in his next execution. She truly hoped this was not the case; Bran was still too young. _He won’t be a child forever_ , he had said.

 

There were other things that needed to be taken care of before the Royal Party arrived: some glass panels needed to be replaced in some of the windows, the Guests Wing needed to be cleaned and readied, fresh linen needed to be placed in the beds. She decided to go to the town herself to talk to a candle maker and the scents lady. It was no secret the Queen loved to bathe in scents and oil and she needed to make sure they had everything ready by the time they arrived. She knew she could delegate most of these tasks to her more than capable staff. Yet, she wanted to do everything herself; not because she didn’t trust her servants, but because it would keep her mind occupied and stop her from wandering into unwanted paths. There were certain things she did not want to ponder about right now.

 

She returned to the castle as the sun was going down. The wind was starting to blow harder and a snow storm was already gathering. She tried to rush her horse, but she could not avoid getting snowed in. She was exhausted, soaked to the bone and freezing by the time she made it back. She had had supper in town, so she decided to go straight to her room and take a much needed warm bath.

 

She had her chambermaid, Peggy, fill up the tub and when it was done she disrobed and stepped into the hot water. Peggy had insisted on helping her bathe but she had adamantly refused. It was not cleanliness so much that she craved for, but for the warm water to gather her into its soothing arms and help her relax and forget. She stayed in the tub for what felt like hours. She figured the water was no longer warm, but she had no desire to get up. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and submerged herself completely under the water.

 

She thought of her childhood in Riverrun; running in the countryside with her sister and Petyr Baelish; swimming in the river; racing with their horses. She thought of each of her children, their births and the joy they had brought her. She tried not to think about her husband. She loved him with all her heart, but she could not shake away the feeling of betrayal and the pang in her heart the mere thought of him was causing her. She thought of Jon, and tried to imagine him as her own son. She pictured all the things that had never been and would never come to pass. She saw herself singing lullabies and soothing a baby Jon. She imagined what playing with Jon would have been like. She tried to feel her hands tousling his unruly hair …

 

Strong arms suddenly shaking her brought her out of her reverie and pulled her up to the surface. So immersed in her inner world was she that she never heard the door open nor the worried voice of her husband calling for her.

 

“Cat, what are you doing? The water’s freezing” he exclaimed handing her a towel.

“Ned, what are _you_ doing here? I’m taking a bath. Can you please leave?”

“No. I haven’t seen you all day and when I come into the room I find you completely submerged in freezing water. When I approached the tub and you were there unmoving with your eyes closed, I thought … I thought the worst.”

 

He extended his arm to her to help her out of the tub, but she didn’t take it. He just stood there towel in hand, but she was not moving. She closed her eyes and disappeared under the water again.

 

“Please, Cat” he said when she emerged again. “The water’s freezing, you’ll get sick”.

 

He helped her out of the tub and covered her with the towel pat drying her body: first her head, her body, her back, her legs, and then her face again. He kissed her softly on the lips and proceeded to dry her hair. Her body was shaking, though she was not sure if it was the cold or something else. He rubbed his big warm hands all over her body and then placed his palms on her face. He tried to kiss her again, not so chastely this time, but she was not responding. Her lips remained closed and her face impassive.

 

“Cat?” he asked.

“I’m your wife, Ned. I know my duty, I won’t deny you. But I don’t have to want it” she replied flatly.

“Oh, Cat, no! Never! I would never force you! I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I was a second son. Everything belonged to Brandon: you, the castle, this life. The Gods decided to give it to me and I have never been more grateful. I mourned my brother, I still do, but I’m happy I ended up with you. I didn’t deserve you back then, and I don’t deserve you now. I know I have hurt you. Please tell me how to fix this. I love you and I cannot see you like this, especially knowing I am the cause of it.”

 

She was still shaking, so he rubbed his hands all over her body to keep her warm. He went to her wardrobe and retrieved a warm long-sleeved nightgown and long thick woolen stockings. She let him dress her and guide her to bed. He removed his clothes and climbed in the bed with her.  

 

“Cat, I love you. You have to know this”

“I do, and that’s why it hurts so bad.”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t. But you did hurt me nonetheless.”

“They say you only hurt the ones you love” he said as he wiped a tear off her face.

 

She was crying openly now. He held her as she trembled and sobbed, and couldn’t help his own eyes getting watery.

 

“You’re not as cold and stern as people make you out to be. It takes years of being with you to know this” she said softly.

“You know things about me no-one else does”

“These past couple of days have been horrible, Ned. I love you and I felt so lost.”

“You’re not lost. I’m here.”

“Don’t leave, please. If the King comes and offers you this position, please refuse. I couldn’t bear it if you left. I need you”

“And I need you my love. When this storm just blew up in our faces, I thought I had lost you for good. I couldn’t live without you. I can’t. You’re my rock, my foundation. Without you I will just collapse into a heap of useless stones.”

“We can get over this. We have to. For the sake of our children, for Winterfell. For us.”

“Yes, we can. For us.” he said and held her tightly. “I am never letting go.”

 

TBC


	8. Epilogue - or new beginning ...

Ned was awake, but his eyes refused to open. He relished the sensation of being close to his wife again. He took a good look at her face. The face he loved: her warm smiles, her soft hair, her beautiful eyes. _I could never leave her_. He made to hug her tightly but only succeeded in waking her.

 

“Good morning” he smiled.

“Mrng” she slurred. And then she quickly got up and threw the covers on the floor with a grunt.

“Cat?” he asked confused. _What have I done? Did I make her angry again?_

“It’s so hot in here. I’m sweating!”

 

And Ned just burst into laughter.

 

“Ned, you dressed me to go hiking to the Land of always Winter last night!” she complained playfully.

“Well, you felt as if your had just been skinny dipping in the Shivering Sea.”

“Thanks” she smiled.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. And you?”

“Better”

“About last night …” started Catelyn sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Shh, hush” he said as he placed a finger on her lips. “Don’t talk about it. There’s no need. We said what we needed to say.”

“I love you Ned. And that’s what made it worse.”

“I know, and I love you too. I’m sorry I hurt you. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

“I do know.”

“So, did you talk to Jon yesterday?”

“Yes. We mended some fences and reached a sort of agreement.”

“Did you make peace?”

“It’s not that easy, Ned. Too many things have happened for too many years. It’s not easy to forget, turn the page and just start afresh.”

“Well, now you have years to make it happen.”

“Not quite. Jon is still adamant that he wants to go to the Wall with your brother. You might be able to sway his decision.”

“Do you want him to stay?”

“It’s not about what _I_ want, it’s about doing what’s right. Both him and I were denied the chance to do things right from the beginning. I would have liked to love him and be a mother to him. It might be too late now to fix everything, but we don’t need to make it worse.”

“I’ll talk to him, but … you know Jon, once his mind is set …”

“I wonder where he got that from” she said raising her eyebrows at her husband. “Let’s get dressed and go have breakfast. We’ll see him there, and the children. Are you going to tell them the truth about Jon?”

“I don’ t know. I don’t think it’s prudent, not yet when the King is coming in just a few days. They might make a comment, especially the young ones, and set Robert thinking. We can’t risk it, not after everything that’s happened.”

“As much as it pains me to lie to them, I agree. But they need to be told, eventually.”

“And they will. Maybe after the King leaves, if I don’t go back with him. Let’s go get breakfast. I’m starving. I didn’t have dinner last night. I came here and stayed with you and kind of forgot about dinner”

“Alright, but I need to get out of these clothes before I burst into flames. I had forgotten I had this nightgown and these stockings. I hadn’t worn them since last Winter all those years ago!”

 

Before they reached the Main Hall, they came across Jon who was also heading in that direction.

“Good morning, Jon” Catelyn greeted him.

“Good morning, Lady Stark, Uncle Eddard” replied Jon.

“Cat, why don’t you go ahead? I’d like to have a word with Jon, if that’s ok with you”

“Of course, Ned. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Jon” she nodded at her nephew and he mimicked the gesture.

 

“Jon,” started Ned after Catelyn had left them alone, “Cat told me the two of you talked yesterday and reached a sort of understanding.”

“Yes, we did.”

“Good. That’s good. You know that this is your home. I have the utmost faith you and Cat can get along.”

“Of course, uncle”

“ _Father_. Please, call me father. I may be your uncle by blood, but I still feel like your father and would like for you to consider me so.”

“Father it is, then. Besides, I don’t want people to know my true identity”

“As you wish”

“I don’t want people to know I could be King. I have no wish to sit on the Iron Throne and I don’t want a war to start because of me to see who becomes King. Your friend Robert is a good King and I don’t want to be the cause of trouble.”

“Of course, whatever you prefer.”

“The only problem is that, as a bastard, there’s not much I can aim for.”

“Cat says you still want to become a Man of the Night Watch.”

“Yes, father. I want to start a new life, and that’s the only place I can do that.”

“You have a place here.”

“Your wife said the same thing, but I still want to go.”

“You’re always welcome here.”

“I know father. But, still, I think it’s better if we pretend these past couple of days never happened and we just continue the way we were: I’m your bastard son and I’m going to the Wall.”

“Alright. It’s your call, Jon. Let’s go get some breakfast, son, I’m starving” said Ned and guided Jon into the Dining Hall.

 

 

Hours later Ned stood together with is wife watching the children train in the yard. Robb and Jon were teaching Bran how to shoot an arrow with a bow, but Bran was failing miserably and his brothers were giving him a hard time about it.

“And which one of you was a marksman at ten?” Ned asked his older boys.

 

Suddenly a shot came out from behind the boys hitting the mark. As they turned to see who it was, neither Ned nor Catelyn were surprised to see Arya smirking with a bow in her hand. She ran past Bran and Bran started chasing after her.

 

“So, what did Jon say?” Catelyn asked her husband when the children had left the training yard.

“He’s still joining the Night Watch. He doesn’t want people to know his true identity.”

“That’s the same thing he told me.”

“In a way I understand. If people found out he was the last surviving Targaryen, everybody would be out to get him, either to crown him King, which he clearly does not want, or to kill him, which I do not want.”

“True. Sad, but true.”

“So we just go back to square one.”

“It’s not that easy Ned, at least for us. The secret’s out now. As for Jon and I, we are trying to mend some fences. It’ll take time but maybe we can make it work. I wish he weren’t leaving, though. I was really looking forward to trying to make it work between us. What about you? Are you and Jon alright?”

“Yes, we are alright. Not perfect, but alright” he said and took her hand in his. “Are you and I alright?”

“Yes, we are.”

“Good. You’re not getting rid of me that easily” he smiled.

“I would never dream of it.”

“So now what?”

“Now, we just wait for King Robert to come and see what he has to say. Hopefully he won’t take you away from us.”

“What if he does offer me the position of Hand?”

“In that case, we’ll have to think about it. I’ve been thinking of another reason he might be coming all the way to Winterfell. What if he proposes a marriage between Robb and Myrcella? Or Sansa and what’s his name? The Prince?”

“Joffrey?”

“Yes Joffrey. In that case, we’ll have to think about it. Maybe you end up going to King’s Landing but not alone.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe.”

“But for now, we’re still here” said Ned and gave his wife’s hands a gentle squeeze, “and so are all the children, including Jon. Let’s enjoy these next few days. They may be the last we get to have together as a family.”

 

THE END.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ... Ominous last words from Ned ... we all know what happened after this. King Robert came and took Ned and the girls south, Bran was pushed from the tower and then went on a walkabout through the vast North, Jon went to the Wall, Cat and Robb got involved in the war … they never saw each other again …
> 
> Sorry to all the people who wanted Jon not to go to the Wall ... This time I didn't really want to change anything from canon. I decided to just write a little insert to take place before the actual saga began. It's a little scene that I would have loved to happen in the saga but which does not really change anything. In the wonderful story that ASOIAF is, canon events can still remain the same, but I think this would have made Jon's and Cat's lives a lot easier.
> 
> I hope you understand why I decided to still have Jon go to the Wall. If they told people who he really was, everybody would be after him (Robert and the Lannisters to kill him, and people who oppose the Baratheon Kings would be after him to make him King). And then, precisely because they decide to keep his origins a secret, he is still a Bastard in everyone's eyes and he has not much else to do. If "the Bastard" had decided to stay longer at Winterfell after saying he would go the Wall and then everybody saw Catelyn and him being friends, people might have started asking questions. ... ... As for him going to Essos to find Dany as some people had suggested, it doesn't really make sense at this point. They have no idea Dany is alive and planning a comeback. As far as they know, Jon is the Last of the Targaryens ...
> 
> I decided not to change canon events, it was GRRM who wrote their fate ... I just eased their hearts a bit ... Do I wish Jon had stayed with the Starks? Do I wish Ned and the girls hadn't gone south? Do I wish Catelyn and Robb hadn't gone to the wedding at the Twins? Do I wish Bran had not fallen and then gone away with the Reeds? Yes to all of the above, but I respect the wonderful masterpiece that ASOIAF is.
> 
> Thank you all very much for reading and sticking around. I hope you have enjoyed this story. If you did let me know. And if you didn't please tell me what I can do better (just be gentle, please).


	9. Alternate ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had finished this story a long time ago. In the original ending, even though they had found out the truth about Jon’s parents, they had decided to leave it as it was and continue on with their lives. Many people were not satisfied that canon was still happening (and we all know what that means: death galore), so I decided to give them a happy ending : ) 
> 
> This is an alternate ending following chapter 7. You might want to refresh the story a bit.  
> Chapter 1: Jon is packing to go to the Wall and Ned is debating with himself how (or even if) to tell Jon about his mother.  
> Chapter 2: Revelations. Ned tells Jon about his mother.  
> Chapter 3: Jon confronts Catelyn (who has no idea what Jon is talking about) and realizes she had also been lied to.  
> Chapter 4: Catelyn confronts Ned  
> Chapter 5: Ned realizes how bad things have turned out and tries to find a way to fix the mess.  
> Chapter 6: Jon and Catelyn have a heart-felt conversation. Things are finally on the mend between them : )  
> Chapter 7: little fix-it scene between Ned and Catelyn.  
> Chapter 8: Original ending. They know the truth but decide it is better to keep it a secret. The story ends with them waiting for the King to come knowing Ned will be riding south, Catelyn will be staying at Winterfell and Jon will be going to the Wall. In other words, canon.  
> Chapter 9: Alternate ending : ) Please let me know which ending you prefer. Thanks.

 

Ned was awake, but his eyes refused to open. He relished the sensation of being close to his wife again. He took a good look at her face. The face he loved: her warm smiles, her soft hair, her beautiful eyes. _I could never leave her_. He made to hug her tightly but only succeeded in waking her.

 

“Good morning” he smiled.

“Mrng” she slurred. And then she quickly got up and threw the covers on the floor with a grunt.

“Cat?” he asked confused. _What have I done? Did I make her angry again?_

“It’s so hot in here. I’m sweating!”

 

And Ned just burst into laughter.

 

“Ned, you dressed me to go hiking to the Land of always Winter last night!” she complained playfully.

“Well, you felt as if your had just been skinny dipping in the Shivering Sea.”

“Thanks” she smiled.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. And you?”

“Better”

“About last night …” started Catelyn sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Shh, hush” he said as he placed a finger on her lips. “Don’t talk about it. There’s no need. We said what we needed to say.”

“I love you Ned. And that’s what made it worse.”

“I know, and I love you too. I’m sorry I hurt you. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

“I do know.”

“So, did you talk to Jon yesterday?”

“Yes. We mended some fences and reached a sort of agreement.”

“Did you make peace?”

“It’s not that easy, Ned. Too many things have happened for too many years. It’s not easy to forget, turn the page and just start afresh.”

“Well, now you have years to make it happen.”

“Not quite. Jon is still adamant that he wants to go to the Wall with your brother. You might be able to sway his decision.”

“Do you want him to stay?”

“It’s not about what _I_ want, it’s about doing what’s right. Both him and I were denied the chance to do things right from the beginning. I would have liked to love him and be a mother to him. It might be too late now to fix everything, but we don’t need to make it worse.”

“I’ll talk to him, but … you know Jon, once his mind is set …”

“I wonder where he got that from” she said raising her eyebrows at her husband. “Maybe if his status in Winterfell were to change, he wouldn’t feel like such an outcast. He needs to know that he belongs here.”

“What are you suggesting?” Ned asked his wife with a hint of confusion and apprehension. “We can’t tell people who he really is. If people found out he was the last surviving Targaryen, everybody would be out to get him, either to crown him King, which he clearly does not want, or to kill him, which I do not want.”

“Nobody knows who his parents really are, but everybody believes he is yours” said Catelyn, “just like I did for many years” she added in a barely audible whisper.

“Oh, Cat, I can’t apologize enough. I’m really..” he trailed lifting his hand to her face.

“Don’t” she cut him off abruptly holding his hand in hers. “Let’s not go there again. Everybody _suspects_ he is yours. Let’s make their suspicions true so all the secrecy can finally be put to rest. Make him a Stark. Make him your son.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhh” she answered shrugging her shoulders.

“Are you alright with this?”

“Not really, but it’s the only course of action. As for your honour and mine, it has been sullied for years, nothing will change that. At least now, if we make it real we can put an end to all the whispering and snickering.”

“Who should I say the mother is?”

“Mhh … I hadn’t thought of that” she said pressing her lips. “I spent years trying to figure out who you had lain with, in my head picturing you and another woman doing all sort of things, but I could never see her face”

“You had pictured me doing _things_ to with another woman? What things? Naughty things?” he ventured, his curiosity piqued.

“Save it Ned, not now” she admonished him. “So, if you had had the possibility to be with another woman back then, who would it have been?” she tried to bring the conversation back to the topic at hand.

“I don’t know” he replied raising his shoulders and relaxing his hold on her hands. “I was never the philandering type, that was my brother. And Robert was, as well. After our wedding, when I rode off to war with Robert, he would go to brothels weekly. He tried dragging me along, but I never really wanted to.”

“Did you?”

“What?”

“Did you? You know, go to a brothel with Robert? At least once?” she asked fearing the answer.

He took a deep breath. “Once” he said after a long pause.

“So I guess the rumours were not that far off” she said ruefully to herself.

“Cat, I’m sorry. It was a long time ago. I barely knew you back then. We had just fought a really hard battle, we had lost many men. I was drunk. Drunk on ale, on grief, on worry and on thrill. I let myself be dragged by Robert.”

“What was her name?”

“I don’t know. Who cares Cat? It was a long time ago. You are the only one I love. She means nothing to me.”

“I know that” she stopped him waiving her hand as if to dismiss the matter. “But what was her name? Let’s use her. You can say she was the mother. The lie will be more believable if it is based on something true.”

“Always the pragmatic one” he replied with a smile. “Wendel”

“Wendel?”

“Wendel of the Falling Star Inn. She had died by time we rode back. Bandits had attacked the Inn”

“Wendel it is then.”

“So, that’s it. We make Jon a Stark. He is my son with a wench from the south” he stated and Catelyn just nodded. “Being a bastard, however legitimized, he will only inherit after our children together. You know that, right?” he reassured her.

“Just try and convince him to stay and not go to the Wall. He deserves as much.”

“Thank you, Cat.”

“Let’s just put this behind us so we can start afresh” she finished and got off the bed. “I’m starving, Ned, let’s get dressed and go have breakfast. We’ll see him there, and the children. Are you going to tell them the truth about Jon?”

“I don’ t know. I don’t think it’s prudent, not yet when the King is coming in just a few days. They might make a comment, especially the young ones, and set Robert thinking. We can’t risk it, not after everything that’s happened.”

“As much as it pains me to lie to them, I agree. But they need to be told, eventually.”

“And they will. Maybe after the King leaves. Let’s go get breakfast. I’m also very hungry, I could eat a horse. I didn’t have dinner last night. I came here and stayed with you and kind of forgot about dinner”

“Alright, but I need to get out of these clothes before I burst into flames. I had forgotten I had this nightgown and these stockings. I hadn’t worn them since last Winter all those years ago!”

 

 

Before they reached the Main Hall, they came across Jon who was also heading in that direction.

“Good morning, Jon” Catelyn greeted him.

“Good morning, Lady Stark, Uncle Eddard” replied Jon.

“Cat, why don’t you go ahead? I’d like to have a word with Jon, if that’s ok with you”

“Of course, Ned. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Jon” she nodded at her nephew and he mimicked the gesture.

 

“Jon,” started Ned after Catelyn had left them alone, “Cat told me the two of you talked yesterday and reached a sort of understanding.”

“Yes, we did.”

“Good. That’s good. You know that this is your home. I have the utmost faith you and Cat can get along.”

“Of course, uncle”

“ _Father_. Please, call me father. I may be your uncle by blood, but I still feel like your father and would like for you to consider me so.”

“Father it is, then. Besides, I don’t want people to know my true identity”

“As you wish”

“I don’t want people to know I could be King. I have no wish to sit on the Iron Throne and I don’t want a war to start because of me to see who becomes King. Your friend Robert is a good King and I don’t want to be the cause of trouble.”

“Of course, whatever you prefer.”

“The only problem is that, as a bastard, there’s not much I can aim for.”

“Cat says you still want to become a Man of the Night Watch.”

“Yes, father. I want to start a new life, and that’s the only place I can do that.”

“You have a place here.”

“Your wife said the same thing, but I still want to go.”

“You’re always welcome here.”

“I know father. But, still, I think it’s better if we pretend these past couple of days never happened and we just continue the way we were: I’m your bastard son and I’m going to the Wall.”

“What if you were no longer Snow? What if you were to become Jon Stark?”

“Jon Targaryen, you mean.”

“No, Jon Stark, my son. We can legitimize you and make you a Stark. You will no longer be a bastard, and people will never know the truth if you don’t want.”

“I don’t think your wife will be pleased.”

“Actually she’s the one who suggested it. She knows you don’t want people to know you are Rhaegar and my sister’s, but she knows that as a bastard you will never get anything. People already think you are mine, let’s just make it true.”

“Does she really want that?”

“Well, she’s not opposed to it” Ned replied cocking his head to one side. He waited a few seconds for the information to sink in and then continued. “It makes sense Jon. I did stray from my marriage bed once. It was about the time you were conceived. Lyanna had been hiding with Rhaegar and I rode off to war with Robert after our wedding in Riverrun. I’m not proud, but I went to a brothel once. Her name was Wendel. I’ll name her as your mother, nobody will ever know differently. That way you will no longer be an illegitimate bastard, people will stop taking guesses and prying into your life, nobody will doubt you again, you will have all the rights afforded to the son of the Lord of Winterfell and your true identity will be kept a secret. Think about it.”

“That’s … that does sound interesting” Jon admitted. “Can it really be done?”

“Yes. It’s your call, Jon.”

“Yes. Absolutely!” he exclaimed and hugged his uncle, his father.

“You don’t have to go to the Wall if you don’t want to, Jon”

“I never really wanted to, to be honest. I truly feared it.”

“Stay. We all want you to stay.”

“Will you be going to King’s Landing with the King.”

“To be honest, I really don’t want to.”

“Stay, we all want you to stay” Jon replied with a smile.

“Let’s go get some breakfast, _son_ , I’m starving” said Ned and guided Jon into the Dining Hall.

 

 

Hours later Ned stood together with is wife watching the children train in the yard. Robb and Jon were teaching Bran how to shoot an arrow with a bow, but Bran was failing miserably and his brothers were giving him a hard time about it.

“And which one of you was a marksman at ten?” Ned asked his older boys.

 

Suddenly a shot came out from behind the boys hitting the mark. As they turned to see who it was, neither Ned nor Catelyn were surprised to see Arya smirking with a bow in her hand. She ran past Bran and Bran started chasing after her.

 

“So, what did Jon say?” Catelyn asked her husband when the children had left the training yard.

“He said Yes. He was positively thrilled. He was concerned you would be opposed to it until I told him it was you who had suggested it. That seemed to put his mind more at ease.”

“Will he be leaving for the Wall?”

“No, he’s staying. I have already talked to Benjen about it.”

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth. All the truth.”

“What did he say?”

“He was … surprised. Surprised and relieved, I think.”

“We all are, I guess. What about you, will you be going to King’s Landing?”

“Not if I can help it. I’m planning on growing old here with my wife and children. All my children.”

“Nice plan” she smiled at him.

“So, you truly are alright with Jon and everything, then?”

“It’s not that easy Ned. The secret’s out now. As for Jon and I, we are trying to mend some fences. It’ll take time but I am confident we can make it work. I’m happy he is not leaving as I am really looking forward to trying to make it work between us. What about you? Are you and Jon alright?”

“Yes, we are alright. Not perfect, but alright” he said and took her hand in his. “Are you and I alright?”

“Yes, we are.”

“Good. You’re not getting rid of me that easily” he smiled.

“I would never dream of it.”

“So now what?”

“Now, we just wait for King Robert to come and see what he has to say. Hopefully he won’t take you away from us.”

“What if he does offer me the position of Hand?”

“In that case, you will just have to respectfully decline” she gave him a knowing smile and punched him playfully on his chest.

“Ouch! I won’t be able to go if you break my ribs” he admonished her kindly.

“Ned,” her tone turned more serious and her eyes grew darker, “I’ve been thinking of another reason he might be coming all the way to Winterfell. What if he proposes a marriage between Robb and Myrcella? Or Sansa and what’s his name? The Prince?”

“Joffrey?”

“Yes Joffrey. I would hate for our children to leave home just when things are about to get better.”

“They won’t be children forever, Cat. Robb is old enough to be betrothed, and so is Sansa. If that is the case, we’ll have to think about it. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For now, we are all here” said Ned and gave his wife’s hands a gentle squeeze, “and so are all the children, including Jon. And I’m not planning on letting that change for a very long time. Let’s enjoy our days as a family. Only the Gods know what time will bring.”

 

THE END.

Please let me know which ending you prefer. Thanks :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for R+L=J … grrr I hate it! And I hate that it has been confirmed on the TV show and will most likely be confirmed in the books. It is such a teenage fantasy ending for such a complex saga. It turns a serious plausible story about politics, backstabbing, war and strategy into a rags-to riches cliché: the poor bastard is actually the heir to the throne. … In the books there were some hints that if you read them a certain way may lead you open up to the possibility that it might be true - but only if you want to read it that way. I read all five books and was familiar with the theory, but never got that vibe. Yet on the TV show it was never even hinted at until this season. It just feels so farfetched, like a cheap plot twist to elevate the figure of Jon Snow and make it more marketable: yeah, we all love Jon Snow, and Kit Harrington is to die for (my husband is not reading this!!), but there is no need to turn him into a fairy tale knight in shining armour. It actually belittles the story for me. 
> 
> Plus it reflects badly on Lyanna and Ned. She becomes a spoilt little brat who did not care thousands died just so that she could elope with her lover. And it shows Ned had no grasp whatsoever of how the world works – how could he really think Robert would believe Catelyn did not know about it? By keeping them in the dark he was dooming her and the rest of his Household. If they knew the truth they would be able to prepare better in case Robert ever found out, but in this case they would be caught unawares and would most likely go down with Ned. Plus Ned becomes a very bad husband, lying to his wife for so long. As she says in this story: one thing is a one-night-stand a long time ago, another thing is an on-going blatant lie!! Especially when all it did was fuel her nightmares. 
> 
> … Still, as I said in my notes at the beginning, it suited my story to go with RLJ this time ;)


End file.
